The New York April Fools’ Committee Proudly Announces
NEW YORK CITY’S 38th ANNUAL
APRIL FOOLS’ DAY PARADE
“Count Down to Complete Idiocy”
New York’s irreverent April Fools’ Day Parade returns, poking fun at the past year’s displays of hype, hypocrisy, deceit, bigotry, and downright stupidity! For the 38th year, the public is invited to create outrageous floats and dress up as look-alikes in colorful costumes to reflect the folly of the nuttiest politicians, crooked corporate leaders, silly celebrities, and whoever else has been a total fool in the past year.
The public is encouraged to participate, in or out of costume, with or without floats. Floats should be no wider than 10 feet and no longer than 30 feet and can be self-propelled, towed, pushed or pulled. Customized bicycles, tricycles, baby carriages, and helium balloons are welcome.
The theme of the 2023 parade is “Countdown to Complete Idiocy”. Marchers will assemble at Fifth Ave and 59th St at 12 Noon, Saturday, April 1, and proceed downtown to Washington Square Park, site of a big party that will culminate with the climactic crowning of the King of Fools.
See previous parades covered by WNBC TV and Chinese TV. This year, for the first time, the entire parade will be nationally televised live on Fox News. Color commentary will be provided by Fox News anchor Tucker Carlson with opinions only–no truth and no objectivity. A media and VIP grandstand will be located in front of Trump Tower at Fifth Ave and 57th St. The parade Grand Marshall this year is New York Representative George Santos dressed as Pinocchio. He’ll be followed by Ye (a.k.a. Kanye West) in his motorized golden chariot playing a re-mix of totalitarian national anthems on a pipe organ while unsellable Adidas sneakers are flung at the crowd. Then comes a drag show of newly woke M&M characters showing off their fashion re-branding.
The parade floats will lead off with the Atomic Doomsday Clock float on which leaders of Russia, China, Iran, and North Korea will be counting down from 90 seconds. Next is the Russian Oligarchs Accidental High Dive “He Slipped and Fell out the Window” float. On the Anti-abortion, Anti-vax, Anti-gay marriage, Anti-reality float, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, with the help of his wife Ginni, will be rewriting the Constitution. This will be followed by President Joe Biden in his Corvette towing the Escalator float on which Donald Trump perpetually tries to go down an up escalator. Both will be tossing top secret documents to the crowd.
At the rear of the parade, the Dark Money Radical Republican Marionette float will feature puppets Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA), Paul Gosar (R-AZ), Matt Gaetz (R-FL), Scott Perry (R-PA), and Lauren Boebert (R-CO) pulling Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy’s (R-CA) strings, while puppets Elise Stefanik (R-NY), Ted Cruz (R-TX), and Lindsey Graham (R-SC) run behind, desperately trying to appear relevant.
Weaving through the parade will be costumed look-alikes including Will Smith randomly smacking people in the crowd, Johnny Depp and Amber Heard smacking each other, and Herschel Walker smacking himself. A Chinese Spy Balloon will track the entire route of the parade.
Says organizer Joey Skaggs, “The light at the end of the tunnel is a colonoscopy.”
As the parade enters Washington Square Park, the festivities will include a Prehistoric Mammoth Bones Dig sponsored by Joe Rogan in Washington Square Fountain, and a Burning Pit for educational books deemed inappropriate by religious extremists. A Politician Effigy-Burning was planned, but deemed too damaging for the environment.
There will be a Sign-Up Booth for Trump 2024 Pardons hosted by Rudy Giuliani; a ChatGPT Degree Booth where you can get a free Bachelors, Masters, Doctorate, or Nursing degree; a Pegasus Spyware Booth where you can collect intel on your friends and enemies; a Migrant Sign-Up Booth where Florida Governor Ron DeSantos will register people for a free trip to Disneyland in California; and a Ticket Master Booth for non-existent Taylor Swift tickets. Wendy’s will be serving ecoli-free tossed salads.
Porta-potties will be provided by Elon Musk (bring your own toilet paper). Security and clean-up will be provided by the now-defunct Scorpion Unit of the Memphis Police Department in conjunction with Vladimir Putin’s Wagner Group mercenaries.
The parade will be funded by IOUs from Alex Jones and FTX CEO Sam Bankman-Fried; the sale of Hunter Biden paintings; and an auction of Trump’s NFT Collection. This year’s King of Fools will be nominated by the crowd and will reign through March 31, 2024. The April Fools’ Day Parade committee takes no responsibility for damage caused by satire.
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Contact: Joey Skaggs, Committee Chair, 212-254-7878
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