April Fools’ Day Parade Press Release (2020)

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ATTENTION NEWS ASSIGNMENT & CALENDAR EDITORS:
The New York April Fools’ Committee Proudly Announces
NEW YORK CITY’S 35th ANNUAL APRIL FOOLS’ DAY PARADE

                         “WITCH HUNT!”

               The only New York parade not cancelled.
                              But due to the COVID-19 Pandemic, it’s conceptual. Just imagine it!
New York’s irreverent April Fools’ Day Parade, poking fun at the past year’s displays of outrageous hype, hypocrisy, deceit, bigotry, and downright foolishness, returns! For the 35th year, the public is invited to create outrageous floats and dress up as look-alikes in colorful costumes to reflect the folly of the nuttiest politicians, crooked corporate leaders, silly celebrities, and whoever else has proved to be a total fool in the past year.
Check the Media Alert for updated info about the parade and how to participate online.
The theme of the parade this year is “WITCH HUNT!”. It will begin at Fifth Ave and 59th Street at 12 Noon, Wednesday, April 1, 2020, rain or shine. The procession will march down Fifth Avenue to Washington Square Park for the climactic crowning of the King of Fools.
The parade’s Grand Marshall is again President Donald Trump, who this year will be wearing a witch’s cape and hat, and will be riding a witch’s broom. On his tail will be the “Whistleblowers’ Marching Band” playing “Season of the Witch” by Donovan. Dueling color commentary will be provided by Counselor to the President Kellyanne Conway, and her husband, Attorney George T. Conway.
Chased by the mob of whistleblowers, Trump will be screaming “Witch Hunt!!!” as he attempts to outrun the crowd. Senator Rand Paul will be in hot pursuit attempting to out the identity of each whistleblower. The public is invited to bring their own whistles and join the stampede.
Following closely behind the “witch hunt” will be the World-Leaders-Laughing-Behind-His-Back Float. This is followed by the National Archives Exhibition Float of Protest Photographs with all photos censored, edited or redacted. Protesters carrying blank protest signs will follow behind. Then comes the BREXIT Float, frantically attempting to make it to Washington Square Park as it is pulled in opposite directions.
In a life-size MMA Ring on wheels all remaining Democratic Party candidates will duke it out to the last person standing. The Iowa Democratic Caucus Float may or may not actually show up.
Weaving through the parade will be costumed look-alikes including a topless Vladimir Putin wearing an Emperor’s crown, Rudy Giuliani in a clown suit, Attorney General William Barr juggling Giuliani’s balls, Senator Mitch McConnell dressed as Lady Justice with her scales tipped to the right, Senator Lindsey Graham as a serpent with a forked tongue, Senator Susan Collins carrying her head on a pike, Devin Nunes as Pinocchio, and the rest of the Republican Senate dressed as sheep. Alan Dershowitz will pontificate from a mobile podium, Rush Limbaugh will be sporting his unmerited Medal of Freedom. Roger Stone will be flipping the bird to the crowd. There will also be a contingent of Dopes and Babies, five-star generals and other military top brass wearing diapers, dunce hats and signs on their backs saying “Kick Me!” Jeffrey Epstein will be hanging around.
The Fools’ Parade satire knows no bounds. The public is encouraged to participate, in or out of costume, with or without floats. Floats should be no wider than 10 feet and no longer than 30 feet and can be self-propelled, towed, pushed or pulled. Customized bicycles, tricycles, baby carriages and helium balloons are welcome. If it rains, marchers are encouraged to decorate umbrellas with slogans.
Says organizer Joey Skaggs, “With this parade, we are starting a Whistleblowers Campaign. Blow your whistle at every Trump encounter! Let’s vote for change in 2020. We need new fools to make fun of.”
As the parade enters Washington Square Park, carnival festivities will be in full swing. Entertainment will be provided by the “Sing Like a Canary Choir” featuring Lev Parnas, Michael Cohen, and John Bolton. There will be a Harvey Weinstein Booth promoting his “Swipe Down” dating app. Gwyneth Paltrow will be selling canned farts for those who missed out on her vaginal candles. The Houston Astros will be selling pirated baseball signals. Nissan’s Carlos Ghosn will be selling escape plans for Fortune 500 CEOs. Chinese tech company Huawei will be giving out spyware loaded cell phones. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo will host a shooting range, featuring journalists as targets. Chief Law Enforcement Officer Donald Trump will be granting pardons to friends and felons. Donald Trump Jr. will be paying people to take a copy of “Triggered” to keep his book on the best-seller list. Thomas Cook will be offering discount travel vouchers in an attempt to reboot the failed travel business, and Boeing will be discounting flights on their 737-Max jets.
Under pressure from the White House, Prime Minister of Denmark Mette Frederiksen will put Greenland up for auction. Ivy League College Admissions Scammers will run a raffle hosted by Olivia Jade, daughter of actress Lori Laughlin. In anticipation of further global warming, Rocky Mountain Real Estate Agents will be auctioning future ocean-front properties.
Food concessions will include the Coronavirus Meat Market featuring free samples of exotic animals, birds, bats and reptiles. Billy and Beatrice Cox, Art Basel-Miami banana art patrons, will be handing out free bananas.
The parade is sponsored this year by Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman. Funding is generously provided by Deutsche Bank and Dark Money. This year’s King of Fools will be nominated by the crowd in Washington Square and will reign through March 31, 2021.

Contact: Joey Skaggs, Committee Chair, 212-254-7878
info@joeyskaggs.com, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram
Electronic Press Release